Verse 1) I signed the line in MEPS, thought I’d be a hero Twelve years later I’m still countin’ down to zero Got blown up twice, got tinnitus that sings But VA says “anxiety,” hands me some beige nothings Doc looks at me like I’m fakin’ the pain Says, “Take a knee, drink water, you’ll be good as rain” Hands me a bottle like it’s holy communion 800 milligrams, the Army’s solution (Pre-Chorus) Were you wearing your PT belt when the IED hit? Did you fill out a risk assessment for that parachute shit? Jumped outta planes, now my back’s all torn But “pre-existing condition,” yeah, thanks for the form (Chorus) Here it comes again, the big green weenie Shoved right up the ass of every lower enlisted teeny Leadership screams “moto!” while they’re sippin’ lattes Rules for thee but never for me, that’s the Army way Whoa-oh-oh, big green weenie Whoa-oh-oh, change your socks and drive on, baby (Verse 2) First Sergeant’s got a brand-new Camaro SS I’m rockin’ 2018 Oakleys with a cracked-ass lens He says “embrace the suck,” from his air-conditioned office While we’re meltin’ in the motor pool, covered in bearing grease and losses Profile says no runnin’, but formation’s at 0600 “Doc gave you Motrin, quit cryin’, let’s go go go!” Silver bullet Ranger coin for the ones who never complain The rest of us just eat shit and wait on terminal leave day (Pre-Chorus 2) They said “unlimited opportunity,” turned out to be a lie Now I’m 90% at the VA, still waitin’ on my claim to fly SGM says “you’re not hurt, you’re just lazy and fat” Bro you weren’t even in the Army when I was in Iraq (Chorus) Here it comes again, the big green weenie Shoved so deep you cough up camo and zucchini Colonel’s gettin’ promoted for a PowerPoint deck While I’m poppin’ 800s just to get out of bed Whoa-oh-oh, big green weenie Whoa-oh-oh, hydrate or die, that’s the creed (Bridge – half-time, big scream) I believed all the posters, the flags and the screams “Be all you can be” turned into permanent knee sleeves They’ll give you a folded flag and a three-gun salute Then tell your widow “sorry ma’am, that TBI’s not service-connected, cute” (Guitar solo that sounds exactly like every other Nickelback solo) (Final Chorus – gang vocals, everybody in the smoke pit screaming) Here it comes again, the big green weenie Once you’re in, you’re in, there ain’t no plan B They’ll Motrin and profile you straight into the grave Then name a DFAC after you and call you “brave” Whoa-oh-oh, big green weenie Whoa-oh-oh, thanks for your service, now shut up and PT (Outro – spoken over fading guitars) “Take a knee… drink water… change your socks… drive on, soldier.” Yeah… roger that, First Sergeant.