(V1) A IT’S GONNA SNEAK UP ON YOU WHEN YOU’RE FEELIN’ FINE E YOU’LL BE LOOKIN DOWN AT A BIGGER WAISTLINE D THEN ONE DAY YOUR SPORTIN CELL-U-LIGHT THIGHS A SMEARIN’ PREPARATION "H" [The letter H.....a letter of the alphabet ] UNDER YOUR EYES D DRINKIN ‘ SLIM FAST…WISHIN’ YOUTH COULD LAST A YOU’LL BE ONE OF US…YOU BET YOUR SAGGY………………….. BIG ASS E A WHEN EVERYTHING GOES UH-RYE (CHORUS) D WHEN EVERYTHING GOES UH-RYE A YOU CAN PRAY AND WEEP AND BEG AND CRY E BUT NO MATTER WHAT KINDA SHAPE YOU’RE IN NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO… ……. OR WHAT YOU TRY D A WHATEVER DROPS DOWN AIN’T GONNA [ELONGATED WORD...RISING VOICE] RYYYYYES AGAIN
 E E7. A WHEN EVERYTHING GOES UH-RYE (V2) A THERE’S A HIGH-CLASS STRIPPER IN SOME LOUNGE TONIGHT E TAKES A LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND HER EYES FILL WITH FRIGHT D A COUPLE THINGS HAVE DROPPED A HALF-A-FOOT OR MORE A
THERE’S STRETCH MARKS COMIN’ NOW,,,SHE’S PRETTY SURE D HER FIRM FANNY’S FALLEN TIL THE BACK OF HER KNEES A SHE CRIES OUT, “GET ME OUTA HERE, PLEASE” E ‘CAUSE LORDY, LAS VAY-GUS AIN’T THE ………………..PLACE TO BE E7 A WHEN EVERYTHING GOES UH-RYE (CHORUS) A THERE WAS A MA-CHO MAN… HE WORE A SPEEDO BAH KEENY E HE WAS OFTEN COMPARED TO A HEALTHY ZOO-KEENY D THEN ONE DAY EVERYTHING STARTS TO SHRINK A HE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO…DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK D SHOULD HE DRINK A HEALTH TONIC? HAVE A HIGH COLONIC? A BUY AN OUT OF TOWN TICKET ON A SUPERSONIC? E HE FIGURES ALL HIS FRIENDSHIPS GONNA BE …………….PLATONIC E7 A WHEN EVERYTHING GOES UH-RYE (CHORUS)