“December at Thirty-Seven” Verse 1 Thirty-seven, almost Christmas House was quiet, snow outside Three-year-old with sticky fingers Standing right there by my side Tree lights blinking in the window Laundry folded on the chair Then the room went strange and sideways And I wasn’t fully there Words came out like broken pieces Left side heavy, vision thin I remember thinking clearly: “Don’t let this be how it ends.” Pre-Chorus Sirens cut the winter air Hospital lights, that plastic stare All I thought between the scans — “I need to get back home again.” Chorus My life will never be the same That’s the comfort and the fear Everything feels rearranged But somehow I’m still here I lost the woman I had been In one sharp afternoon But I’m still his mom at bedtime Still the voice inside his room Verse 2 ICU in holiday colors Nurses talking soft and low I kept thinking about that party Like that meant I still had control Lipstick. Laughter. Secret Santa. Normal life just out of reach Funny what your brain holds onto When it’s fighting just to speak I missed the party. Missed that version Of myself before the fall Came home to Christmas break at daycare Just me and him and empty walls Spouse was out there clearing highways Sixteen hours in the snow And I was home, still half in pieces Trying not to let it show Pre-Chorus Anger sat inside my chest Louder than the TV set I was grieving something living I just didn’t know that yet Chorus My life will never be the same That’s the comfort and the fear I survived, but everything Feels different now from here I yelled words I can’t take back On long, exhausted days When my brain was bruised and burning And I couldn’t find my way Bridge I can’t unsay the things I said When I was overwhelmed When the smallest sound felt like It might split me at the helm But he still runs into my arms Still asks me for one more book Children don’t hold grudges The way grown women look I wasn’t cruel — I was cracked I wasn’t cold — I was scared Healing doesn’t look like calm It looks like barely getting there Soft Chorus My life will never be the same But neither will my strength I know now how fast it shifts How fragile is the length Of ordinary afternoons Of breathing without thought I survived December Even when I felt like I could not Outro Thirty-seven. Winter light. Snow still falling slow. I am not who I was before — But I’m someone who now knows You can break and still be needed You can shake and still be home And even on the hardest days He still calls me “Mom.”