Dear School Committee Chair, I think we need to reconsider A recent vote because currently I am in despair. I had a plan this morning, Annual report, budget done by noon, Coffee in hand, laptop open, Thought I'd be productive soon. Then the buses started rolling, And the front door wouldn't close, Two kids somehow became twelve children, How? Nobody knows. Twenty pizzas disappeared, Then they ordered even more, At this point I'm pretty sure My kitchen's a food court. A board member just called me, Asked if I'm working from a trampoline park or zoo, No, I'm working from home today, Though honestly, who's to say what's true? And I'm hiding in a closet, Trying to finish one more page, While twelve kids are harmonizing Like they're headlining a stage. Back to work. Nope, more singing. Back to work. Nope, more screams. Elementary's out at 11:45, Middle school's right behind, How exactly are working parents Supposed to keep their minds? I've got budgets, I've got deadlines, I've got spreadsheets due at three, Meanwhile someone's built a blanket fort And declared independence from me. One kid's singing every chorus, Three are drumming on a chair, The cockapoo just stole a cupcake And is sprinting everywhere. The pizzas have all vanished, The cupcakes met their fate, Somehow there are more children now Than when they came through the gate. I thought I counted twelve of them, Then I counted twenty-two, I don't know where they came from, But they all seem to know my Wi-Fi too. They're sporadic, They're chaotic, They're scattered through the year, And every time one hits the calendar I hear collective fear. I really ought to call Jillian, Maybe she can help me out, If there's a way to turn this afternoon Into a constitutional crisis, she'll figure it out. Maybe she'll call a special meeting, Maybe she'll demand a vote, Maybe she'll circulate a petition About the last slice of pepperoni I stole. Maybe she'll schedule public testimony, Maybe she'll make a PowerPoint, Meanwhile twelve kids are eating cupcakes And I've completely missed the point. One kid's on the piano, Three are singing from the stairs, The cockapoo's got frosting on her face And nobody seems to care. The annual report's unfinished, The budget's due by end of day, Somebody just asked for mozzarella sticks, And somehow I said, "Okay." You know what? Maybe the School Committee is right. Maybe the half days are good. Maybe twelve children should be released at lunchtime Directly into my neighborhood. Maybe this is character building. Maybe this is civic pride. Maybe I've finally lost my mind. ... Hold on. Why is it quiet? ... Oh no. P.S. Supporting documentation follows: Exhibit A: My house. Exhibit B: Twelve children. Exhibit C: Twenty pizzas. Exhibit D: A frosting-covered cockapoo. Exhibit E: A complete loss of confidence in my ability to manage this afternoon.