[Verse 1] Fourteen hundred hours in the Arizona sun Combat Boot Division said alright boys here we come Cactus stood at attention, lizards cleared the route Word spread through the desert she's bringing combat boots Jeff stood in the driveway holding coffee like a pro Watching camper chaos in the dusty desert show Coyotes gathered round him like it was the morning news While Jeff calmly sipped his coffee waiting for the boots [Chorus] Operation Combat Boots saved the desert day No casualties reported and the coyotes ran away Camper on the cinder blocks standing proud and tall Peace has been restored and nobody kicked at all Stand down negotiations the crisis now is moot No stomping kicking launching of a vintage combat boot The wind may howl tonight across the cactus and the moon But Jeff is driving into Gold Canyon very soon [Verse 2] Three patriotic coyotes formed a mariachi band A squirrel waved a tiny flag while dancing in the sand Saguaros leaned together just to watch the drama play While tumbleweeds rolled through providing sound effects all day The camper shell was lifted like a UFO in flight Then gently on the cinder blocks it landed just right Two lizards stamped approval on the engineering plan One yelled boys this camper's stronger than a government program [Chaos Verse] NASA called to ask if blocks could hold a rocket ship CNN interviewed a cactus for a leadership tip Governor signed a holiday called National Block Day Tourists came from Phoenix shouting hooray hooray Squirrels sold souvenirs saying Boot Crisis Survivor One tumbleweed demanded hazard pay as the driver A roadrunner yelled beep beep reporting desert news While Jeff calmly sipped coffee watching camper shell reviews [Spoken Bridge] Attention attention United Desert Command confirms The camper shell has been secured The cinder blocks have been promoted to Lieutenant Structural Officers The coyotes have begun playing victory banjos And the forty year old combat boots have NOT been deployed [Final Chorus] Operation Combat Boots mission now complete Camper standing proudly on its blocky little feet Peace across the desert and the drama now concludes Thanks to closet stored strategic footwear attitudes Stand down troops the battle never came But legends of the boots will echo just the same And those heroic forty year old combat boots of lore Have been returned with honor BACK IN THE CLOSET NEXT TO THE FLIP FLOPS OF DOOM [Spoken – comedic pause] Authorities confirm the flip flops were Plan B ... Plan C was Crocs